3-Day “End Your Fights—Not Your Relationship” Challenge.
Day 1: The Deliberate Pause
You’ve already taken the most important step: deciding something has to change. Today, you’ll learn how to stop an argument at its very first stir.
Today’s Lesson
Today’s Quick-Win: Practice the Pause
When you feel tension rising, do this now:
- Spot the Spark: Notice that first tightening in your chest or rush of thought.
- Pause: Stop your next sentence cold.
- Breathe: Inhale for 4 seconds, exhale for 6 seconds.
- Soften: Drop your shoulders, relax your jaw.
- Speak from Calm: Begin with “I’d like to share something calmly…”
Try this in your next conversation—and note one small change in how your partner responds. You’ll record it on your worksheet.
You’re on your way to reshaping how you relate. I’ll see you in Day 2!
To your calm,
Anthony
Worksheet Day 1: Identify Your Core Reactivity
How to Use This Worksheet
- Find a quiet moment today or this evening.
- Reflect honestly on recent conflicts or tense moments.
- Complete each section as fully as you can—this is for your eyes only.
1. My Top 3 Triggers
Recall three specific moments when a conversation veered toward conflict. For each, jot down:
- What was happening?
- What did you notice in your body? (heart racing, tight shoulders, quick breath…)
- What thought went through your mind?
Trigger # | Situation Description | Physical Sensation | Automatic Thought |
1 | |||
2 | |||
3 |
2. What “Pause” Will Look Like for Me
For each trigger above, imagine using the Pause Practice (one breath + soften posture). Describe:
- What you would feel in your body after the breath.
- How your tone or posture might change.
Trigger # | Post-Breath Sensation | Adjusted Tone/Posture |
1 | ||
2 | ||
3 |
3. Night-Of Reflection
Tonight, when you catch yourself in one of these triggers:
- Pause (breathe + hold still).
- Notice the shift.
- Record briefly below what actually happened—the change you observed in yourself and in your partner.
- Trigger Moment:
(e.g. “When they said ‘you always…’ I felt my chest tighten.”) - What I Did:
(e.g. “Paused, inhaled fully, dropped my shoulders.”) - What Changed:
(e.g. “Their voice softened; they explained calmly.”)
4. Commitment Statement
Write one clear sentence you’ll tell yourself before bed to reinforce this new habit:
“Tomorrow, when I feel _____, I will pause, breathe, and _____ instead of reacting.”